She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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