you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
