There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
