If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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