take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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