When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
