i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
