Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
