At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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