I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
