Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
