I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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