oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
