What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
