pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
