the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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