Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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