I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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