Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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