As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
