I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
