you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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