No, you can still breathe under the balls.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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