i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
