just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
