so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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