He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
