dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
