So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
