I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
