I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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