sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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