Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
