the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
