Duck Duck Cougar?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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