i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
