Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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