and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
