In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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