she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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