Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
