I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
