I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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