those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
