I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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