I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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