My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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