New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
