hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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