they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
