We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
